People, not Punchlines

OK so let’s call this an educational lesson…

Recently, someone I’m friends with on a popular social media platform posted an anecdote mocking a person with a disability…. seemingly harmless right?

Now let me start by saying I believe in difference of opinions being what they are, and I normally do not unfriend or disregard anyone based on those differences as they pertain to their views and even when they do not match my own, I give grace. I was raised better than that. 

I also want to add that I really like this person so for the sake of argument I’m not disclosing any personal information as a this is not meant to be a punitive rant but an informative, dialogue to educate the masses. At times like these, I find it hard to stay silent and feel compelled to say something.

So, for this person and all people who think jokes like these are comical, let me give you a scenario, paint you a picture if you will. Let’s see if you would find our circumstances to be that funny, should you or your child have to face the challenges our children face.

At night you look at your typical child or children, and you thank God that they are healthy and that they are safe and loved. As parents of children with special needs, we also Thank God for our children. We feel, just as you do, that our children, are beautiful, capable, and hold futures abound in front of them as do your little ones.

On a daily basis you make them breakfast, drop them off to daycare, pick them up, do homework, have bath time… We perform these same tasks, and, at the same time, we are preparing medications or trach sets, flushing G-tubes. We are worried about the packing their lunches and how the sleep study is going to go tonight or what the pulmonologist is going to say next week. We worry about that one little cold that our child’s big sister in kindergarten is going to bring home that may compromise them and put them in the hospital. We celebrate every milestone because they work so hard as does your child but for ours it is never an “expectation” as no one pushes them as hard as we do. We see potential where others may only see delays. 

You look forward to receiving report cards and how you’re going to celebrate A’s and B’s with ice cream or going out to eat or a special toy. We have sinking sickening feelings in our stomachs as we schedule IEP’s and what teachers are going to tell us when we have that meeting. We know our children are doing their best and are pleased because they are already performing tasks most never thought they would, but yet to some it is still a far cry from their typical peers.

This is not an attempt to say parenting isn’t hard regardless of having a Child with a disability, but your perception of “normal” is clearly different than our perception of “normal”. But perceptions are accurate because they are ours alone and are meant for no one else.

This is meant to simply educate those who think that these kinds of jokes are funny and the reality of how the parent and child feels…. putting yourselves in their shoes so to speak. Because while you see flaw in those differences, we only see beauty unending.

Would I trade my child for yours? Never. Do I wish you had a little bit more of an understanding of what a disability means and that it can differ so greatly from what your expectation of a disability can be? Yes. Do I need you to understand to bring validation to my cause? Absolutely not.

What a better world would it be though, if we embraced differences instead of shaming people for having them?

This is just a reminder to be kind, always. Speak with an open mind and a kind heart.

We are the faces of parents with special needs. We face the same challenges as you and many different ones as well. We support you and all other parents. We sit next to you at school events and in Churches. We may be a member in your families or live in your neighborhoods. Social media can be a place of uplifting or a place to air poor character flaws. But make no mistake, we love our children, differences and all and we wouldn’t change a thing. 

This is my son. He has a disability, but it does NOT define him. 

People are NOT punchlines.